Transformation Is Messy

Don't you just love a good before-and-after story?

Whether it's a weight loss transformation, a home renovation, or a career success story, we like to see where something started, and what it eventually became. We admire the results, celebrate the progress, and maybe even find a little inspiration for our own journey.

But there's a part of any good transformation story that doesn't always gets the same attention: The middle.

That's the uncomfortable, uncertain, frustrating, sometimes downright ugly part where you're no longer who you used to be, but you haven't quite figured out who you're becoming. That's the part nobody wants to put in the picture. And that's the part I want to talk about.

Years ago, I was promoted from HR Advisor to HR Manager. On paper, it made sense. I was good at my job. I knew HR. I understood the processes, could solve problems, and had demonstrated that I was capable of handling greater responsibility.

So naturally, the next step was management, right? Well... not exactly.

See, there's a pretty significant difference between being good at doing the work and being good at leading the people who do the work. And I was about to learn that lesson the hard way.

One day, I was part of the team. The next day, I was responsible for leading that same team.

These were people who had been my peers just yesterday. We worked alongside one another, shared frustrations, solved problems together, and operated on relatively equal footing.

Now I was supposed to lead them? What did that even look like? How was I supposed to establish authority without damaging relationships? How could I hold someone accountable when we'd just been complaining about the same things together? How was I supposed to have all the answers when I still had so many questions?

I had absolutely no idea. But I certainly wasn't about to let anybody know that.

I did what I suspect a lot of newly promoted managers do. I tried to look confident. Not just confident. Overconfident. I thought leadership meant having the answers, making decisions quickly, and projecting an image of someone who had everything under control.

Never mind that internally, I was terrified. I was so concerned about appearing capable that I didn't always recognize when I needed help. I was so focused on proving I deserved the position that I sometimes made decisions I wasn't prepared to make. And rather than admit I didn't know something, I occasionally convinced myself I could figure it out along the way.

Spoiler alert: That approach didn't work particularly well.

I made mistakes. A lot of mistakes. Honestly? An embarrassing number of mistakes.

And these weren't all the harmless little learning experiences we like to laugh about years later. Some of those mistakes had real consequences. They affected my effectiveness, my credibility, and the confidence others had in my ability to lead. Including someone whose opinion meant a great deal to me. A leader I deeply respected began losing confidence in me. And here's the part that's difficult to admit, even now. That loss of confidence was warranted.

I wasn't performing at the level the position required. My intentions may have been good, and my fear may have explained some of my behavior, but neither changed the impact of my decisions. That's a hard truth to sit with. Especially when you've spent much of your career being known as someone who's good at what they do.

When I talk about transformation, I love using the butterfly as an example. Think about what happens between the caterpillar phase and the butterfly phase. There's a whole stage where the transformation is happening, but the finished product is nowhere in sight. It's not glamorous. It's not particularly impressive to look at. And from the outside, it might not even look like progress.

That's what my transition into leadership felt like. I was no longer simply an HR professional responsible for my own work. But I hadn't yet developed the mindset, skills, or confidence of an effective leader.

I was somewhere in between. The chrysalis phase.

There were moments of frustration, embarrassment, self-doubt, and probably more than a few occasions when I wondered whether I'd made a terrible mistake accepting the promotion.

But something important happened in that uncomfortable space. I stopped focusing on proving I was a leader and started trying to learn how to actually become one. And that changed everything.

The mistakes became my motivation. That experience introduced me to the world of leadership development. And when I tell you I dove in with both feet, I mean it. I became fascinated with the difference between managing work and leading people. I wanted to understand how trust is built, how influence works, how communication shapes relationships, and why some leaders bring out the best in people while others unintentionally create barriers to success.

But more than anything, I wanted to understand where I'd gone wrong and how I could become better. And here's what I discovered. Leadership isn't something you automatically know how to do because somebody gives you a title. It's a skill.

And like most things worth becoming good at, it requires intentional practice, feedback, humility, and a willingness to confront your own shortcomings.

The same person who once thought leadership meant having all the answers eventually learned that some of the most powerful words a leader can say are, "I don't know, but let's figure it out." The same person who once believed confidence meant never showing uncertainty learned that confidence and humility aren't opposites. And the same person who was once so afraid of looking incapable eventually discovered that acknowledging what you don't know is often the first step toward becoming capable.

I wish I could tell you that realization happened overnight. It didn't. But let's be honest, transformation rarely does.

I think one of the reasons we struggle with change is that we expect progress to look like progress. We expect to feel increasingly confident, capable, and comfortable as we move toward something better.

But sometimes growth looks like making mistakes you never used to make. Sometimes it looks like questioning decisions you once would have made without hesitation. Sometimes it means realizing that the skills that got you where you are aren't necessarily the skills that will get you where you're going. And sometimes it means accepting that you're not nearly as good at something as you thought you'd be.

That's not always a sign that you're failing. Sometimes it's evidence that you're stretching beyond what you've already mastered.

Of course, that doesn't mean every mistake should be excused in the name of growth. Accountability still matters. The consequences of our actions are real. But we can hold ourselves accountable while also recognizing that becoming something new is not usually a smooth process. The goal isn't to avoid the messy middle. It's to make sure we're actually growing while we're in it.

Today, leadership development is one of my greatest passions. I genuinely love helping people understand themselves, recognize their potential, and develop the skills to lead others effectively. And sometimes I wonder whether I would have discovered that passion if my first experience in management had been easy.

If I'd stepped into that role and immediately excelled, would I have felt the same urgency to learn? Would I have questioned my assumptions about leadership? Would I have developed the same appreciation for how difficult that transition can be?

I don't know. But I do know that some of the most valuable lessons I've learned came from experiences I wouldn't have chosen to repeat.

And I still have plenty to learn.

That's another thing about transformation. We like to think there's a moment when we finally arrive. When the work is finished, the lessons are learned, and we can proudly display our "After" picture.

But I don't think leadership works that way. Every new challenge, responsibility, and experience reveals something else we have an opportunity to develop.

So if you're in the middle of a transition right now, whether you're stepping into leadership, changing careers, rebuilding confidence, or simply trying to become a better version of yourself, remember this:

You don't have to pretend the process is easy. You don't have to have everything figured out. And you certainly don't have to pretend you're already the person you're working to become.

But you do have to be willing to learn, take responsibility for your mistakes, and keep doing the work.

Because transformation is messy. And sometimes the most important part of the story isn't who you were or who you eventually became.

It's what you were willing to confront, unlearn, and change along the way... In the chrysalis.